Woke up today with a gnawing feeling to push forth on a trend that’s been brewing since mid- to late- last year.

It was October 2009 when I saw that some actions were not as passive as they seemed. Despite my efforts to reverse a growing trend of seeming in-accessibility or “polite” indifference (i.e.: the humiliating pleas to ask what was going on, to revisit the old and familiar), in hopes of answering a seeming disconnect – which happens from time to time, but which I never imagined would become the status quo – it took some time to observe and finally realize that what was happening was not the normal ebb of human relations, but the will of people at work, albeit seemingly unconscious and un-vocalized.

Passive aggression works in polite gestures. It is the small opportunities of neutrality – of non-choice. It is the slow but steady progression to discount someone – one day at a time – until that person ultimately gets hit by the schism that results. It is the choice to be non-confrontational, and yet present your case to others, for sympathy or merely – no matter how unguided – to be understood. It’s the ironic act of putting blinders to stay oblivious – to stay innocent of – the watering down of your relations.

It’s the polite and dishonest way to prove a point. And it is destabilizing to someone who is less formed.

And so when I found myself spiraling down this web, I paced myself a good six months to observe and a good six months to correct. I found myself sinking in confusion – as if I set out to harm someone I almost regarded as my kin.

In between what will and will not be said, I have decided how actions (and non-actions) are interpreted. If it were not fair, so be it. My answers were never in that space between what was intended and not.

I am a generous person. I am a rational being. I am the friend that moves mountains for a friend in need. I am the guy that always understands everyone. You know this.

What I am not is someone who has no sense of self – someone who can’t compare October 2008 and October 2009.

No offense, kid. What won’t kill you only makes you stronger.